Best of WTFather

  • Birdy Upped Her Daddy-game.

    Birdy is MASTERFUL at working her dad. Masterful, I tell you. If that little girl wants something or something to happen, she will will it so; usually through her dad.

    I can’t pretend to be shocked by this. She gets this one honestly from me. I’ve never been one to take being told no very well. I just regroup, pivot, and go at things from a different direction. But this little one? The student has become the teacher.

    Case in point: Birdy has been lobbying for a trip to Disney World on a plane, for over a year. Explaining to a 6 year old that plane tickets, park passes, food, etc. etc. aren’t free and that the logistics of pulling it off without TOTAL CHAOS are nil-to-zilch, especially when one of the 5 is still refusing to join the civilized world of going on the big-boy potty (cough WTWhammy cough) isn’t exactly an easy ask. We’re working toward it for sure, but a WTFellers 5 Go to Disney post isn’t coming anytime soon; not when the cost of a week of admission alone is the about the same as a year’s worth of fancy private school tuition.  Add airfare and a hotel to that and you could buy three weeks alone at an adults-only all inclusive in Bali a nice reliable used car for the same money.

    Until now, she’s been using her typical-yet-astonishingly-effective tactics. She’s recruited her brothers in the game, written us notes, mentioned how nice it would be for us to all spend time together, let it drop that “literally every other kid in Kindergarten at Fancy Private School has already been… TWICE,” and offered to earn her way there by doing chores, being nice to her brothers (scroll to bottom for circa 2012 example of “nice to brother”), dancing for pay (the look on WTFather’s face when she mentioned this option MIGHT have been worth the price of a fast-pass upgrade) and selling her old toys in our annual garage sale. But this week, she took the game up to a new level of mastery. She pulled out Public Daddy-Shaming.

    Her Kindergarten teacher, Mrs. S, is ahhhmazing. She’s kind and hilarious and smart and perfect for my kid. She’s always coming up with clever assignments for the littles; her latest being writing and illustrating a book about your favorite toy (For Birdy, this is Ducky) having an experience that is similar to one that you’ve had recently. God knows she laughed her ass off when she tucked it into Birdy’s homework folder.

    I present for you: Ducky Wants to Go on an Airplane, written and illustrated by Birdygirl Fellers
    Alternate Title: My Daddy is Mean and Unreasonable, written and illustrated by Master of Daddy’s Heartstrings

    With Subtitles because Kindergarten-style “Brave Spelling” (click READ MORE below)

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