Birdy
Posts

  • That Which Shall Never Be Spoken of Again

    Somewhere in the last 5 years, my definition for what is gross has gotten pretty narrow.  With Birdy, I was all, “OMG, she can’’t be on a floor that isn’’t sanitized and spotless.  What if she finds a grain of sand? Are our floors organic!?!”   With The Professor, it was more like, “Eh, Birdy ate sandbox sand and survived. His shots are up to date, right?”  By the time we got to WTWhammy, I’’d relaxed so much that ‘Identify the Mystery Object in the Diaper’ had all but become a polite parlor game reserved for fancy dinner parties.  WTFather once presented me with a dirty WTWhammy diaper containing pink-glitter, pieces of green crayon, and a price tag that read CLEARANCE $4.47. It was impressive.  Parenting CHANGES you.

    So it wasn’t that surprising that I shrugged off Birdy’’s first LICE LETTER.  Hand, Foot and Mouth phone calls didn’’t faze me at all.  I have a reputation for being the mom who doesn’’t care if your kids are slimy on play-group day.  No rash, no fever, no problem is the WTFamily motto.

    And then…..

    Something happened last week that shook the foundation of my very identity as the laid-back mom:
    Continue Reading

    October 7, 2014 • Confessions, For Your Consideration, From the Desk of WTMother • Views: 8786

  • Fall! Lice! Typhoid!

     

    momdaughter1Fall is here.  She was not announced by the turning of leaves or a new crispness to the air.  She didn’t ease gently out of summer like a well-scripted movie.  Oh no.  Because Fall, while my favorite season, is kind of a betch that way.  She always surprises us, leaving us with a million things we meant to do over the summer that will now have to be put off until next summer.  This year, she upped her game. I know this because not only did she surprise us, she announced herself via a raging head cold and a letter from school notifying us of a lice infestation.  Because there’s no denying that fall is here once everyone has itchy scalps and head-colds.  Thanks, Fall!
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    September 22, 2014 • For Your Consideration, From the Desk of WTMother • Views: 3206

  • Dear Birdygirl on Your 5th Birthday,

    I hear you, Association!  WTFellers have I been? What about the update to the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge? When are we going to hear about OPRAH?!? What is going on?   

    To say things have been chaotic would be an understatement.  The plague descended upon our home, rendering WTFather Man Sick. The Professor has entered some sort of clingy phase that is currently standing fast at level Let Me Back Into Your Ute.  School started and WTFather and I Birdy has homework every. single. night. Preschool, people. There was a holiday weekend which meant I had to clean my house my family was in town to visit.  And last, but certainly not least, my bitty baby Birdygirl turned FIVE!  Whaaaaat?  So because we all know who runs this show what is close to my heart, this one had to come first.  So please indulge me while I brag about my awesome kid send a shout out to my biggest little.  Hit the jump for a best-of Birdyisms and stories from her 5th year.

    Dear Birdygirl,

    Today you turn five.  I don’t know how 5 years went so quickly, and yet I feel as if you’ve always been here.  Maybe it’s because I really, truly, am so damn tired that my long term memory has been affected feel as if my life started when yours did? I’m sure you’d prefer a  less sentimental reason. You aren’t a very sentimental child.  But that’s okay.  You’re still the most awesome Birdygirl I know.
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  • From the Desk of WTMother: Dear (6-Weeks-Before-the-Birth-of-Birdy) Angela

    Dear Six-Weeks-to-Go-Before-the-Baby-Comes Angela,

    This is WTMother.  I’m you in a few years.  I’m pretty sure if you met me in person, you’d think I was a total freak-show.  I’m okay with that.  I know you’ve read every book and talked to all of your new mommy friends.  The nursery is in place. (It really is beautiful, by the way.) You’ve picked out an elegant, well-thought-out name for our baby girl, (You aren’t going to ever call her that, but good effort!) Your hospital bag is packed, and you are feeling great about this impending motherhood thing.  But hear me out anyway, because there are some things I really want you to know so that my your life is a little easier. Continue Reading

    July 24, 2014 • From the Desk of WTMother, Letters to Angela • Views: 2467

  • Confession: The Doll of Horror

    Confession: My father-in-law bought my daughter a doll that plays peek a boo. It was totally adorable until it started going off randomly and scaring the piss out of me. And I swear it was demon possessed because it would go off beside me in the kitchen, then show up in the bathroom, then pop up under the baby’s crib. It TRAVELED, people.

    It survived an “accidental” washing, an “accidental” overnight in the rain, and an “accidental” trip down the basement stairs. Well, this morning when I was taking clothes out of the hamper, it popped up again for. the. last. time. If it shows back up again after a trip in a garbage truck, you’ll find me huddled and rocking in some random church.

    demondollpostpic

    Little Mommy Hide & Peek Doll.  Destroy on sight.  Do not show mercy.

    July 10, 2014 • Confessions • Views: 1104

  • Cracked

    Birdy and her little friend are in the kitchen snacking on hard boiled eggs.

    The Professor: Professor wants a egg! Professor egg too!
    Birdy: Here, Professor , have an egg!
    The Professor: Tank you, Birdy!
    Me: **doing mental math, then yelling from living room** “Birdy! The eggs in the door aren’t hard-boiled. They’re raw.”
    Birdy: “I know.”
    Me: “Then why are you giving one to your brother?”
    Birdy: “Because I can. **pause** And it’s funny.”

    July 9, 2014 • Shorts • Views: 1193

  • Played

    Birdy: But Daddy, I NEED this new pretty dress.
    WTFather: No, Birdy. I think you have enough pretty dresses.
    Birdy: No I don’t. I don’t have enough.
    WTFather: How many do you have?
    Birdy: One less than enough.

    Well played, kiddo. Well played.

    July 8, 2014 • Shorts • Views: 1679